142 days to go

I realised today there are 142 days until I finish college! Last time I was counting down days there were 10 to go until I left my last job before coming to college. How quickly time has passed and I'm sure the next 142 days will pass even more quickly. I won;t post everyday as I did when there were only 10 to count but it has given me much to reflect on. I'm coming to the realisation of what this next step will mean- and wondering whether I will ever be good enough. then I know the answer- no I won;t without the strength, wisdom and blessing of God. But I also know he chose me and that this life is not one I chose but one which God has called me to. At Group worship this morning we prayed for each other and I asked for prayer that God would fill me afresh with His Holy Spirit. Only with His spirit will I be able to do what He wants me to. I am going to try and post more regularly as I reflect on all that is to come.

Covenant

Its been a while since I posted, in part because life has just meandered on and in part because I've been away for a few days. The new year has come, college has started and I've settled back into community life which is slowly beginning to feel a 'real' community again. Its hard to describe a how different last term was as new students started and we missed those who had left. But now we are gelling together.
This evening my group was on leading worship and 4 of us had planned a Creative Worship- two of us from the 2nd year , two from the first and we worked well as a team.
We decided that as it was the beginning of a New Year and a new term we would use parts of the Methodist Covenant Service. It was a lovely time of reflection and rededication and touched quite a few people judging by the comments made afterwards.
Although an Anglican I love the covenant prayer which has been very special to me at key points in my journey here. For those who don't know it here it is:
'I am no longer my own but yours.
Put me to what you will,
rank me with whom you will;
put me to doing,
put me to suffering;
let me be employed for you,
or laid aside for you,
exalted for you,
or brought low for you;
let me be full,
let me be empty,
let me have all things,
let me have nothing:
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things
to your pleasure and disposal.
And now, glorious and blessed God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
you are mine and I am yours.'
We gave people 5 minutes of silence to reflect on the words they would be going to say and as I reread them and reflected I was struck particularly by the phrase
"let me be employed for you,
or laid aside for you,"
and had to ask myself did I really mean it. It is easy for em to say yes to being emloyed by God- but laid aside- how hard I would find that. Yet if I truly want to be what ever God wants me to be, truly want to do whatever He wants, truly want to put God first then I have to be willing for that to include being laid aside. I wrestled with that through the silence and though I prayed it and meant it- I expect I'll have to keep saying yes to it.