Space

Time has passed quickly with essays to write and the normal life of college. Slowly we are being reshaped as a community with the new ordinands becoming very much part of the fellowship here. It's strange but this year I seem to need space more and so spend less time in the college environs even though I chose this college partly so as to be living on site! It has also been good over the last few weeks to welcome back for visits those who left last year and to hear their stories of curacy.
Its been a strange few weeks as I prepared to go north to look at a curacy- the visit was last week and then I spent the day in York on the Saturday while K attended an AGM. The opportunity to take communion in the Minster was wonderful but the crowds round York made me feel hemmed in and lack of open churches made it difficult to find the space I needed.
As far as the curacy is concerned it all looks positive and I shall be making a return visit in December. Some time after that I shall hopefully be able to say more about it.
In the meantime I am continuing as sacristan here at Cuddesdon and also doing placement duties at two other churches in the cluster. As a result I attended an Emmaus course on Thursday evening- rather an odd one as all those attended had been christian for a number of years so we were looking at Augustines definition of sin alongside Kant and Schleirmicher (?Spelling) The others seemed to enjoy it though I missed having any real biblical study. that said it was good to be back in a small group situation. This morning I led morning service of the word at one of the churches. I had only worshipped there once before and on that occasion it had been a family service so I was caught out occasionally where they did things slightly differently to what was printed. but at the end my placement supervisor said I did well so its one more learning experience! Next week I'm preaching there- subject All Saints!
In the meantime I shall continue with writing my essay on how grandparents can pass on their faith and look at my dissertation on the use of the church building in mission to Tourists. Oh and its half term at the end of the week- we get 1 and half days off so I'm off to see my youngest son.
Then we have a quiet day when we return so perhaps I'll get some of the space I need then!

Getting on with it

College normal time table resumed this week and I spent most of the week preparing and then giving my presentation on my summer placement. I was amazed at how difficult I found it- I used to be a teacher so giving presentations wouldn't be a problem. The delivering the presentation went fine but I'd struggled to know at what depth I should theologically reflect. Anyway its out of the way now and with just 4 lectures a week for this term I should be able to get on with my final portfolio and dissertation.
This week sees the journey north for curacy interview. However this weekend has thrown up some spanners in the works. I'm not in a position to share that at the moment but would really appreciate prayer that I would truly know God's will and peace at this difficult time.
Thanks in anticipation :)

Morning reflection

This morning I led the daily office, which as it was Friday included a short reflection followed by 3 minutes of silence. Here is the reflection.
It was a misty morning in in November as we began to climb. The path was well marked but the thick mist prevented us seeing more than a few feet further on. Up we went, pausing to catch our breath and rest aching muscles. There was a well-marked path but every so often we would have to divert raound a boulder, leap a small stream, and scramble through low-lying shrubs. The further we went the steeper it got, the more energy was needed and still the mist prevented us from seeing our goal. Up, up and up we went. Then suddenly we were out of the cloud and into a new world. We were right at the summit of Snowden. The sun shone from behind us and we were looking down on to the clouds where we could see our shadows dancing. It was an amazing moment of joy and exhileration! That was 36 years ago but the memory lingers.
The journey here to college for many of us has been like that mountain climb. Our way has been shrouded in fog and mist of uncertainty. We have had to take diversions, there have been stops and starts and the summit still hasn't been reached. For those on the first year it's a strange new world, a world at times without a sure path to follow. Fior those of us returniong we have the uncertainty of curacies and the changing landscpae of the college community.
For most of my life my favourite musical has been the Sound of Music- more mountains! In that musical the song which has spoken most to me is Climb every Mountain which tells us:
Climb every mountain, search high and low,
Follow every by'way, every path you know
Climb every mountain, ford every stream,
Follow every rainbow, 'til you find your dream.

A dream that will need
all the love you can give
Every day of your life
for as long as you live.

Why are we here? Not for a mad cap idea of our own, but because we are following a dream, a god given vision.
What are the mountains that you are climbing?
What rainbows are you following?

the love of God will keep you going on to the summit where you will feel and see the light of God shining on you. The light of God will cast shadows back for those who will be following on behind.

Before the daily office started I had sat in silence in Chapel and though about and prayed for those who were at college with us last year. they have cast a long shadow and I'm grateful to God for their input into my life.

All Change

College has started again and its all change. We have welcomed 38 new students along with spouses ( should that be spice??) and children. That's 10 more ordinands than in the combined 2nd and 3rd years and as a result it feels very overwhelming! I started to reflect about small churches who are suddenly inundated with new families. It may be what we have prayed for and worked for but when they arrive it can be very daunting. There's a sense of wanting to return to the safety of what we knew before and to stick with our friends where we feel known and understood.
At the same time with a new Director of Worship there have been slight changes to the way we do some of the services. They are only slight changes but there is still a feeling of uncertainty and wanting to hang on to the old. Funnily enough the change that seems hardest to adapt to is really slight. Cuddesdon has grown a tradition of not leaving the worship space until the candles on the altar are extinguished. As this comes after the dismissal of Go in peace to love and serve the Lord: it is liturgically correct to be able to leave as soon as we wish but most of us are waiting for the candles to be snuffed before leaving as we are more comfortable with it. Again this raises issues for me of how we introduce change into congregations, our reasons for doing so and how we actually implement the changes. I think I've suddenly taken a huge leap in understanding and sympathy for those who say "but we've always done it that way!!"

Update

Thank you to all who have prayed. This morning I received an email containing the details of a parish profile to look at. I'm now awaiting a call back from the vicar to arrange a meeting. The profile is for the benefice I had told the Bishop was the type I really wanted to train in so is really thrilling.
In the meantime college has started and the place is swarming with new students- we seem really full this year. We had our welcoming service last night which was a very positive and uplifting experience, particularly for T and I as church sacristans responsible for making sure everything was done decently and in order.
On another front today is our fifth wedding anniversary. It seems like a lifetime and at the same time only yesterday since I married my wonderful H. He has been the most brilliant support over the last five years and has willingly followed me as I moved from Derbyshire to Devon to Oxfordshire in order to follow the dream God gave me. Thank you God for giving me such a treasure as a husband.

Thanks

Thank you to those who have commented to let me know you are praying- I do appreciate it from both those who know me in person and those who are blog friends. It is good to have our circle of Christian brothers and sisters enlarged by the blogosphere!
I had a meeting with my Principal here at college this morning and on his advice have emailed the Bishop a chatty email re-iterating my willingness to return to my home diocese or to be released. So now awaiting a reply. The Principal was lovely and very affirming and encouraging.
Meanwhile now that is done I have felt more able to get my head around the essay I'm endeavouring to finish before Thursday.

Frustrations

Well we are back from a lovely weeks holiday in Wales. Despite the weather forecast of hurricane winds and rain we actually managed good weather most days. I did enjoy walking along the shore on the days when the wind blew strongly and the waves crashed near by, but the sun also shone. We explored lots of west Wales, some parts I had visited in the dim and distant past and some were new to me. All were new to K.

I went away still waiting for news about curacy so just put it out of my mind as I knew there was nothing I could do for the week. We arrived back on Friday and I was disappointed not to have a letter. MY DDO in the middle of August said the letters of invitation were to go out at the beginning of September. As it was now the middle of September I had hoped to have heard something. I had email contact with the Rector who has mentored me through the whole discernment process and who had asked me to let him know as soon as I heard anything about curacy. He was very surprised that I hadn't heard anything as his church have been having discussions with a prospective curate for 6 weeks. Same diocese so why the difference? It felt like a kick in the stomach. I have spent 7 years with this diocese being given wrong information and seeming to be pushed to the bottom of any information lists being sent out. I love the diocese and the people, and also am grateful to the very pastoral Bishop who has always been very positive and helpful to me, but feel frustrated with others in the diocese. Not surprisingly my husband wants me to settle on the idea of being released, but doesn't I think understand that I have to wait for the diocese to offer me something or release me, I can;t just go off on my own. Tomorrow I must decide whether to phone the Bishop, the DDO or to wait and see what happens by the end of the week. I shall also see if I can get an interview with the principal of the college and see what advice he has.
However one thing I'm determined is not to let this get in the way of my relationship with God and my desire to serve Him. Its all about Him at the end of the day not me!
One other frustration, Blogger won't let me blog on others blogs or respond to comments on here. So Lankyanglican if you are reading, I just wanted to say how much I empathise with your situation over waiting for news of curacy- I would have commented but it wouldn't let me!!