Ten years on

Reflecting on life and the anniversary of a friends marriage I realised that it is 10 years since my life was completely turned on its head- and 13 years this month since the somersaults started. Thirteen years ago I found out that my husband was having an affair. Despite my best efforts he left me and 10 years ago last weekend I received my decree absolute. I was divorced something I had never thought would happen to me! That day as I drove through the Derbyshire countryside I prayed and told God that this was the start of the rest of my life and that I was going to continue to walk with Him and the first thing I would do would be to find a new church home. On the following Sunday I walked into St Thomas church Brampton and immediately felt at home. Little would I know that that would be the start of the journey which would see me 10 years later an ordained priest in the church of England.
The following March I wrote the following in the church magazine- and rereading it today it still is the true testimony of our great God working in my life

Great is thy Faithfulness
During the last two weeks this hymn has been sung at services and has been echoing in my heart while away from church. Nineteen years ago this was the hymn my husband and I sang at our wedding. It has been a constant testimony of God’s goodness through the intervening years.

As I sang it this last Sunday I was choking back tears - very mixed tears both of joy and sorrow. You see three years ago the husband I had promised to love and honour nineteen years before, and whom I stood with and promised before God we would serve Him together, left my children and me. He also walked away from God and all that he had believed. So my tears were naturally of sorrow that all my hopes and dreams so long ago had disappeared and my life is very different now to what I had expected. August of last year saw my divorce complete, something I had always hoped to avert. But also they were of joy as I recognised the truth of the words despite my circumstances of the last three years.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

My circumstances have changed but God’s goodness to me has never changed. He has held me close throughout.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

God has truly provided all I have needed, a new home, jobs as required, and rest when my body has been weary. In the last six months He has brought me to a new church home and more recently I have met and started dating a lovely Christian man.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

God has pardoned my sin - both at the time when I became a Christian and any sin I committed that contributed to my marriage breakup. He has also given me strength to get up and carry on being a mum to my three boys each day, strength to face work, however difficult and strength to get on with my life. He has also given me a bright hope that my future will be better and that life will continue. I have many blessings, and I praise God for each one of them.

I have been asked how I held onto my faith in God during this time, I have to say it was not me holding on to faith in God but The God of Faith holding on to me. He has cradled me in His arms and kept me safe when all around me disintegrated. Now I face the future secure in that love and with a heart full of praise.

Janet

Some years later someone read this and sent a message via the Rector to say how it had helped her. I'm learning now how my testimony of God's greatness can still help others and that the pain I went through when my husband left me has allowed me to help others going through the pain.
Nothing is wasted with God- and God truly causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him.

On being a woman, a priest and a grandmother!

I have never considered myself a feminist. no one was more surprised than I was when I felt called to oprdained ministry - because I was a woman and for years I didn't believe women should have a role of leadership in church. Bt God very gently buit very firmly changed my views, and when He called I responded with all my heart. Te long years of preparation have felt well worth it as I've settled into my new role over the last few weeks. I have been welcomed and made to feel wanted. My dog collar as I mentioned in my previous post has been a means of commnunicating with people and I love it. Then today I came up against the reality of being a woman in what is still considered by some to be a male role. We have a spate of funerals and my Training Incumbent has been very gentle in easing me into the taking of funerals. So far I have gone on funeral visits with him and also helped in funerals but not led. With another one on the horizon it was decided I should take the lead. however the family didn't want a female priest. I accepted their decision and my Training Incumbent will take the funeral. I wasn't particualrly upset about it- perhaps havign an uncle and Aunt who feel the same way had prepared me, perhaps I was able to think back to my past. My only concern waas that the family should have a funeral they need at a difficult time. I'm not sure if my views will change but at the moment I'm not angry just sad for the family. I'm sure my turn to take a funeral will come and all I want to do is do my best for God and for which ever family has sadly lost someone. On a much happier note I became a grand mother yesterday when my son and his girlfriend had a little girl. To say I'm thrilled would eb an understatement. It was strange holding this lovely little girl and looking down to see a female child looking so like my son did at a few hours old. She is beautiful and I'm looking forward to many more cuddles. I feel so blessed- to be fulfilling gods call and to be a Grand mother all in the same month. life can't get much better than this.

Name change

Decided to change the name of this blog- hoping it works for people still trying to find it! Today has been a pleasant day away from the packing. K had a meeting and so having dropped him off I spent a pleasant few hours wandering round Wallingford and sitting by the Thames watching te boats drift by. My last chance to visit but I'm very excited to be returning to Derbyshire. This is likely to be my last post until after the move. Tomorrow I shall have to concentrate on finishing the packing and cleaning the flat. Monday the removals company will arrive to load up and Tuesday we shall start unloading in our new home. After nearly 2 years we shall have back all our possesions. Its been interesting managing witht he minimum of things but I'll enjoy having all my books around me, all my kitchen stuff so that baking will no longer be a challenge, and all my sewing bits and pieces ( sewing machine) Three weeks tomorrow I shall be ordained. My new life as a curate will begin. in my reading and also during lectures at college there has been much discussion as to whether ordained ministry is about what you do or what you are- doiung or being. At the moment I can't imagine how different I will feel after the Bishop has laid hands on me andf prayed for the Holy Spirit to ordain me for the task ahead. I'm trusting that God has got it right!! But just now it feels very daunting and very strange. however everyone here seems to think that God knows what He is doing and yesterday a number of people said to me that they saw me as a priest. Oh well see you on the other side of the move!

one room down-5 to go!

Somehow yesterday's shopping trip has given me the impetus needed to make a start on the sorting and packing. I've worked my way through the small bedroom today tidying and sorting and preparing everything in it to pack tomorrow. Then we had our friends over for evening meal with their 2 delightful children. It was lovely catching up and learning about the realities of both college life and the first few weeks of curacy.
Been thinking today as I've sorted things. Why was I so excited about buying my cassock and surplice yesterday. Its not the clothes that makes a person a priest, but somehow having them hanging in my room makes me feel as if I've taken a large step forward. I suppose they are a symbol of what God is calling me to and its been such a long wait. At the same time I become more and more aware of the tremendous privilege of God's calling and my need for God to go with me as I can't do this on my own. My favourite line from the song 'I the Lord of sea and Sky' is ' If you lead me I will hold your people in my heart'- its the If you lead me- I know I can;t do any of this without God's leading.
Learnt a new thing today as well- found the spell check on this and so hopefully there will be less mistakes in my posts from now on!!